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Monday, February 12th, 2007
1:22 am - I am new and I am so happy I found this community

I have been a binge eater my entire life. I am a third year college student and finally my binge eating disorder is ruining my academic career. It has already contributed to my depression (more or less for the past decade), my low-self esteem, a stunted social life because I am ashamed. And now I can't do my work. I just feel unfocused because my weight is increasing and increasing and it's making me more and more anxious and that in turn makes me want to eat more! I haven't cried so much in a long time. I find myself crying every night and incapacitated, unable to do my work. I'm scared. I don't have anyone to talk to. My friends here don't understand and I don't want to talk to them because they give crap advice and I feel like they judge me for having a lack of will-power or common sense. And I can admit that they make me jealous. They are skinny and food is just nourishment for them and they make it look so easy. I was just sitting her crying thinking "I just want someone to talk to!" And I thought to check livejournal for communities. Thank God, thank God! It feels good just to be able to write this and know that the people who read it will understand me, this part of me that controls my entire life, that I have to hide, but that I can't really hide because the truth is stuck to my hips. I just don't know what to do. I'm worried about school. I don't know what to do. School doesn't wait for you. And it costs so much money I can't fail out now! It's hard because I would like to stay away from things that "trigger" me. But school work triggers me! I can't stay away from that. What can I do? I hope everyone is feeling better than I am right now.

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Friday, February 9th, 2007
11:48 pm - I'm New

My name is Samantha, I am 16, I weigh 290 pounds and I have Binge Disorder. I have been suffering from it since early childhood and I am ready to try to change. Right now I feel horrible and pretty useless. I feel like the only friends I have I talk to online or at school, I haven't left my house in months and today when I finally get invited somewhere I cant go because I cant get a ride home. The only good thing about today is that I haven't binged, that makes me feel a little better. I want to scream, I'm so frustrated I feel like I could cry for hours.
Today I ate the following
1 cup of berry rice krispies and 1 banana for breakfast
1 pizza square (like an elios pizza)tater tots chocolate milk and a cookie for lunch
and some peanuts for a snack
I still have another snack plus supper and I'll post that when it happens. For now I could really use some support. Love Samantha

current mood: who knows?

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Sunday, July 16th, 2006
2:21 pm - low dopamine
bedanaho not to be posting a lot or anything, but researchers have found that some people are born with naturally low dopamine (the chemical in the brain that makes u happy and satisfied and not empty). these people are prone to three abuses: abusing food, abusing drugs, and abusing sex. if u are a person suffering from binge eating disorder or bulimia, drug use and abuse, and a seemingly over-active sex drive or promiscuous sex life, u may have a low dopamine level. this is not ur fault, u were born with it, and there is medicine to fix it. so maybe just tell ur family physician that u think u might have low dopamine and that u want to have that checked. im sure they will be more than happy to check it for u, and give u the help u need.

thats all for now.....so heres some quick thoughts about getting rid of binging:

when the urge hits. when the walking towards the food starts. when its in ur hands. STOP. say to yourself, "I DO NOT WANT TO BE A BINGER" throw the food away if u cant put it back. get out of your house immediately. remove yourself from the food. call someone u know if need to be on the phone, or just say u need to get out of the house with them. they dont need to know u were having a binge crisis, but stay with them until the urge passes. or be alone outside taking a walk and talking urself out of the binge until it passes. exercise is a natural appetite supressant. use it. as hard and as painful as the need to eat can be (trust me, ive fallen at its feet more times than i can even imagine) deny it. let your feelings out. CRY CRY CRY. think about why u are hurting and try to satisfy your emotional needs with spending time with friends, cleaning ur house or room, running errands, doing projects, reading, surfing the internet, whatever u like to do.

and remember the opposite of depression is expression. express yourself.


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Saturday, July 15th, 2006
11:28 pm - there is hope
bedanaho so i have some hopeful information....but first ill let u know who i am....

19 yrs old, binge eating disorder since at least 7 yrs old if not earlier. im 5' 7 and weigh 238 (according to the doctor last week). so yeah, this is my life. ive struggled with body image issues as a result of my eating disorder and therefore was mostly using live journal to look at the anorexia sites to gain support and ideas to prevent binging. it never really worked. when i went away to college last fall my eating disorder took over my life. i felt so alone, so ashamed. i felt like i couldnt even tell my parents because ive seen the way they react to people who are overweight (my parents are both very healthy and thin) and i felt like they just wouldnt understand how this has been ruining my life. i still dont think my dad totally understands what im going through....but my mom does a little cuz she was bulimic for 10 yrs or so when she was young....so anyways...to my point:

i started doing cocaine to suppress my apetite and numb the pain. but it didnt last cuz i was staying out all night with shady people and my dad noticed the money draining out of my bank account. my good friend told my parents about the drug use so they confronted me. i confessed, but when my dad said, "i dont understand....life's not that hard bub," i started crying, cuz for me, it is. so i told him that i had an eating disorder. long story short i started going to counseling (my parents didnt judge me or make me feel bad the way i had imagined they would be. they werent disappointed either, they just felt love, sympathy, and a desire to be helpful). so this counseling thing, FLIPPING AMAZINGGGG so yeah, first order of business, go to counseling, its ok to admit that u have a problem, its not your fault, its a diseases that can be cured. i promise.

im nowhere near being "fixed" but i feel like im on the right path. for one thing i started thinking more positively. my cognitive distortions are that i have all-or-nothing thinking, i disqualify the positives, and i assume things to be negative or judging me. i also stopped any anorexic thinking i had about my body. i promised to stop using the scale while in treatment and just let myself be. (its actually refreshing to not worry about my body for a change.) but most importantly BINGE EATING IS AN ADDICTION.....I should know, since ive been addicted my WHOLE LIFE. so heres what im thinking, i have to WANT to stop. like i know we all "want to stop" overeating and binging, but we just "cant".....but heres the thing, do u REALLLLLY want to stop? cuz up until a couple days ago i really didnt want to stop....eating was my remedy. but then i realized that not actually wanting it to end; the fear of losing my life companion, my solution to life, was so strong...but i doooo want it to end. now i do. so ive been following this statement from http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/p.asp?WebPage_ID=337 ....it reads:

EAT WHAT YOU WANT - When you are truly hungry. Stop when you are full. And eat exactly what appeals to you. Do this instead of any diet, and you are unlikely to ever have a weight problem, let alone an eating disorder.

ALSO....i often in my life have looked at stretches of days of trying not to binge as struggling days, days of postoning the next binge. this isnt helpful, however, because after 3 days of not binging i would think, "man, i havent binged in three days...this is getting reallllly hard....i cant do it any longer, im dying...i neeed to binge...i need the food or im gonna go crazy....i CANT HOLD OUT any longer...." but now, im telling myself (because i realllly WANT to change) that "three days?!?! helllls yes three days. thats three days into a new life. a heathly life. man its getting hard but i can push through i am strong, the pain and anxiety and addicted feelings will pass if i just resist the urge to binge. im never binging again, and that is because i am now in control of MY MIND. i dont want to binge so i will not. and that is that. so yes, three days to a heathier mind and body. three days closer to being normal. three days closer to the addiction finally leaving my MIND. three days closer to not being controlled by food."

so thats that. i know this was long. i hope u read the whole thing lol. i hope i am welcome in this community as a helpful friend that is sincerely trying to kick the habit. ill try to post more if u guys like what i have to say. alright well i think thats all for now.

u can do it, i know u can. im trying too.....one day at a time, commiting to not binge.


current mood: hopeful

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Sunday, June 4th, 2006
8:01 am

Hey everybody,
I'm new to this community, and from the looks of it so far it's fantastic.

I should briefly introduce myself. I'm 20 years old, and for the a little under 2 years I've been battling an eating disorder -- TWO of them actually. I've been switching between anorexia (2 seperate periods with a combined duration of 4 months) and major binge eating (5000 calories a day for a combined duration of 1 year 2 months)

Before all of this began, I lead what some might call a nearly perfect life. I was a healthy 100 lbs for my 5' 5" frame, and life was good. Then I began University, and the turmoil began. I dropped to a low of 86lbs towards the end of first year. I then started binging which turned into anorexia again. When first year began I was at 110 lbs. What I failed to realize at that point was that that was the ideal weight for me. Yet I felt fat and ugly and utterly hopeless. It is now the end of second year, and due to my 1-year long binge I arrived at my all-time high of 135 lbs.

I'm been on the road to recovery since May 26, and I'm now at 130 lbs. It makes me sick to think I weigh this much, but I'm beginning to have faith in myself, knowing that I will get healthy again. I just want to do it by September 1st (first day of class)!!!

Thanks, and I look forward to getting to know y'all better in the future! Best of luck to you all and God bless.

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Monday, May 1st, 2006
8:04 pm

I'm glad I found this community
I'm desperate
I'm 16, supposed to be enjoying the beginnings of my life
not the case with me
I'm drowning it out in food
I have the all-or-nothing attitude
more like ALL
I've been through the nothing phase
the cold, the shivers
but I need to ease my emotional hunger
and onwards to the fridge I go
again, and again and again

I'm note sure if intro's with numbers and the like are neccessary in this community
if yes, I'll update later
for now, I hope I can find comfort in knowing I'm not alone

Ciao Amigos

*Edit: I just realized the lost post was on March 14th
I guess this community is inactive
there goes my hopes in finding a decent community


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9:59 am - New
sams773366 I have been coping wih binge eating disorder for 6 years...and I'm only 5 feet tall and weigh about 135. I know I shouldn't diet but I really want to be 120-125. I'm starting the SpecialK diet today. Yesterday was a bad binge day (about 5,000 calories). Im 20 years old and I feel like I am wasting my life, I just want to be happy with myself and stop binging. Feel free to comment, I need all the help I can get.

current mood: gloomy

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Tuesday, March 14th, 2006
10:54 pm - support?

I'm young...married. My better half has no idea how wrecked I am, except that he puts up with me everyday. i'm grateful to him for my life.

I am 6 foot, 389 lbs, diabetic, and now a former smoker.

when i'm bored. when i'm tired. when i'm alone. when i'm hungry, when I'm happy...i eat.to make up for it I sometimes purge.

i am ashamed of the way i look. i'm tired of being fat, ugly and wretched. I am ashamed of the bottomless pit that is my stomach/life.

2 days ago I woke up and something snapped. No more will i hide...as deeply...as I had. So i will write it out here. One day at a time.
2 days ago I stopped smoking...no cravings...
2 days ago I started to eat little but fruit and veg., and though I ate sushi and ice cream tonight for dinner, I read the caloric amount online at calorieking.com and i purged. All of it...or as much as i could discreetly.

am I proud? no, but i will not let such a small thing stop me from losing weight. It is my goal to lose a lb a day until i weight 200 lbs. half the weight i am now.

your help is appreciated.

(x-posted to comm: Binge_eating and m'own journal)

current mood: gloomy

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Thursday, March 2nd, 2006
11:17 pm - new!

I just joined.

I used to be skinny, but in the past year I've gained 35 pounds, which for me is A LOT. I'm 5'2 and a year ago I weighed 110, and now it's 145! a lot of the weight gain is because i'm a freshman in college and the dorm food is HORRIBLE and the rest of it is depression and my inability to cope with things in a healthy way. anyways, it's really freaking me out that i'm so fat now and i want to do something about it and stop but i just can't seem to. something else is that a few days ago...food stopped tasting good. i lost my "appetite" but i still overeat because it's comforting.

any help?! :(

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Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006
6:36 pm - I am Bingeing

sinxe starting school in january, i have been watching my calories and losing weight, i lost about 25 lbs so far
then about a week and a half ago, i started bingeing

i've been eating loads of packs of those "100 calorie" pack snacks and all the smart ones dessertws, i ate an entire box of weight watchers choc choc chip muffins
eating healthy choice ice cream sandwiches

i know that whats started this is financial troubles, and i am lonely and dont have a support network

the thing is i am studying kinesiology and i want to be a fitness trainer

i weigh 267lbs!
my goal is to lose weight and exercise my ass off, i actually LOVE exercising
but i havent even been going to my exercise classes (except yoga) cause i have just been depressed and after i get off work i've been going home and eating, eating, eating, and being online, get to sleep at like midnight and wake up at like 7am
i am supposed to be in bed at 9pm and wake up at 4:45am so i can go to my morning aerobic class

the problem is the only thing that brings me any joy is tasting that sweet food in my mouth
i was doing so well
tomorrow i am supposed to head back into the gym, in the am, one of my co workers wants me to do the yoga class at 6am tomorrow with her, i am hoping this is the chance for me to get back on track because i hate falling off the wagon
and i am on prozac and everything and its supposed to stabilize my mood, but my financial problems are so large it just makes it hard for me to cope
and i cope by eating

current mood: scared

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Monday, September 5th, 2005
9:48 pm - From the Kitchen
webdamsel I've been baking again. This is a favorite recipe, and I can't get enough of it. I'm usually eating one pan while baking another. :)

Sweet Cornbread

2 eggs
1 cup milk
1 stick butter
1/2 tsp baking powder
2 cups Bisquick
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup cornmeal

Stir all together. Don't use mixer. Pour into a greased 9x9 pan.
Bake at 350 for approx 30 minutes.

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Wednesday, June 29th, 2005
7:59 pm
dropping___fast i just joined this community and my name is Kerby Rose, i have decited to keep a journal of everything that i eat and stuff and when i workout and all of that and i am hoping that it will help me in loosing 15 punds by the 2nd week of august, i am also determined to get over my eating disorder where i binge then purge then go days without eating and only drink water, i am getting help with it also, my family doesnt support me very well because they are all consumed with themselfs and so im hoping that by joining this i can get some support!! i have never been skinney, i've always been fat and over the past 2 or 3 years i have dropped 40 pounds bot in unhealthy and healthy ways.

i hoping that i can get down to those 'small sizes' once and for all!! <33

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2:45 pm - New <3

So, I'm new here :). My name is Bekka and sadly, I'm fat, but I'm working on losing 15lbs by the 2nd week of August. I know that I can do it the healthy way. I'm fully recovered from anorexia, but I still suffer from EDNOs, unfortunately. I binge and afterwards, won't eat for really long periods of time. Recently, as in, 2 nights ago, I started working out again. I do 200 crunches and then a 15-30 (depending on how well I'm feeling) workout afterwards and I am really excited about starting that routine up again. I've started my diet - portioning things out, substituting cucumbers for potato chips, ice water with lemon for sodas, and Gatorade instead of KoolAid. I think I've got a handle on it this time, but I figured that joining a community where I could gain support because I'm not getting any from my family would do me some good.I honestly do not look as much as I weigh.. but I do weigh that much... I'm probably close to 160-65lbs, and I'm only 5'5" and a 38C. I've played soccer all of my life (not in leagues, but it's a passion), and I've been dancing for years so I've got very muscular legs, but I'm still hoping to start losing weight. (Notice how my goal is to lose only 15lbs at first? One day I hope to be back at 130, that's my ideal weight.) Under the LJ cut are a few recent pictures. I hope joining this community will do me some good ♥.
This is me :)Collapse )

current mood: contemplative

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Friday, April 8th, 2005
3:11 pm - New Member

I see that I am one of two members of this group. Oh well... it's all good.
My name is Karen, and I have dealt with food issues all my life. Up until age 14, I was a compulsive overeater. I was fat, and I hated myself. I binged, and generally ate way too much. I stole money from my father's wallet to go buy junk food at my elementary school. It was bad. At age 14, I started dieting. I basically went straight from compulsive overeating to anorexic. I lost a whole bunch of weight, and then hit a plateau. I gained twenty pounds back, kept the same weight for a year or so, and then starved my way back down to the plateau and even lower. I am now 17 years old. Easter this year set off the bingeing side of me, and I have been bingeing 3-4 times a week ever since. I gained back six pounds, and I feel horrendous. So then I binge more. It sucks. Might as well throw in some more information... I also self-injure, and have depression and anxiety. So yeah, that's me. I binge to numb myself to pain in life, whether it's self-confidence issues, or just having a bad day. I would like to stop for good, but I just can't seem to. So here I am.

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Saturday, April 2nd, 2005
5:00 am

Hey guys. This is my first post.

Just wondering--does ANYONE have something positive to say about any one type of diet pill? I've tried TrimSpa, CortiSlim, Hydroxycuts (awhile ago), and a few others. The best I guess was CortiSlim. Lost about four lbs at first, but it all went back on.

I guess the best type would be one meant for appetite controll, but anything that works would be good.

(BTW, i'm hoping diet pill talk is okay here. I know some places don't like it.)

current mood: tired

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