I have been a binge eater my entire life. I am a third year college student and finally my binge eating disorder is ruining my academic career. It has already contributed to my depression (more or less for the past decade), my low-self esteem, a stunted social life because I am ashamed. And now I can't do my work. I just feel unfocused because my weight is increasing and increasing and it's making me more and more anxious and that in turn makes me want to eat more! I haven't cried so much in a long time. I find myself crying every night and incapacitated, unable to do my work. I'm scared. I don't have anyone to talk to. My friends here don't understand and I don't want to talk to them because they give crap advice and I feel like they judge me for having a lack of will-power or common sense. And I can admit that they make me jealous. They are skinny and food is just nourishment for them and they make it look so easy. I was just sitting her crying thinking "I just want someone to talk to!" And I thought to check livejournal for communities. Thank God, thank God! It feels good just to be able to write this and know that the people who read it will understand me, this part of me that controls my entire life, that I have to hide, but that I can't really hide because the truth is stuck to my hips. I just don't know what to do. I'm worried about school. I don't know what to do. School doesn't wait for you. And it costs so much money I can't fail out now! It's hard because I would like to stay away from things that "trigger" me. But school work triggers me! I can't stay away from that. What can I do? I hope everyone is feeling better than I am right now.